gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
