and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ok first of all what the fuck
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize