3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She is in my trunk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
