as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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