We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
