Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
