If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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