I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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