O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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