??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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