Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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