i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
