Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
