I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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