Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
