I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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