Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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