she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
