I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize