Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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