fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
