I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
