I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize