i just wanna soil my oats bro
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
