chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I deserve this hangover.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
