My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
