So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
