I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
