3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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