i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
