I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
