I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
