so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
