I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize