you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
