I hate all girls vehemently.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
