I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its not stalking. its research.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize