I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
