she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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