I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I smell like Dick and happiness
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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