My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
