I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You dont lie about slip and slides
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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