I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
