kristin has been a bad kristin
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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