I hate all girls vehemently.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
