also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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