end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
