I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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