i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize