my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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