My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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