you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
where does the pee come out of this thing
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Blood and glitter go together right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
