rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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