...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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