At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
40s are totally the cure
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize