Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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