What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize