My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
