Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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