this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
