Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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