My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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