No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You ruined the universe
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
