Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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