If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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