i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
