he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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