how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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