When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
