Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
