Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
