So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
