Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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