I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
